I’m still here.

Just really busy these days.  I have so many things to share with you lovelies, but I can’t get my head on straight and actually put my thoughts together.  I’ve got backyard projects, job/postpartum doula things, Max things and general silliness.  Soon, very soon.  For now enjoy these photos of Max.************************

Max has a sixth sense.

It was the day that the gun control legislation was blocked, two days after the tragedy in Boston, and I, like everyone else, was glued to the internet and news. I was checking up on various sites while Max sat in my lap. I opened up the Huffington Post, and if you’re at all familiar with that site you know that the front page is always headed with a large image and headline. Well, this particular image was made up of photos of all the victims of the Newtown tragedy, the article being about the gun control bill being blocked. And then this happened:

Max pointing to the screen, says: Baby.

Me: Yeah, honey. Those are babies.

Max: (Signs Sleep)

Me: Yeah, they are asleep honey.

Me on the inside: OMFG WHAT. (Also: goosebumps and chills)

I closed the computer and I hugged my baby.
How did he know? Do kids get these things? Did he actually know? Or was he just being a baby and saying and signing random things? It was slightly unnerving and I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Maybe he’ll grow up and reboot the Psychic Friends Network.

Grandma Betty

Monday night I was a part of something I thought I would never be a part of.  Rob’s grandma Betty, his last living grandparent, was in the hospital for the third day and was not doing well.  We were told to get over there as soon as possible to say goodbye.  When we arrived the rest of the family, minus Chris, Rob’s brother, and his wife and son, were there.  And so was Betty.  There she was on that hospital bed limp, pale, mouth open without her teeth, and hooked up to morphine to keep her comfortable.

But it wasn’t her.  Betty always made sure her hair and makeup were done and her nails were painted pink.  And her glasses.  She wasn’t wearing her glasses.  She would’ve hated to be seen like that.  Anyone would.

We sat around her bed chatting, telling stories, and as time went on her already shallow breaths became fewer and more shallow.  And then her chest stopped moving.  I nudged Rob a few times.  Everyone was still talking.  The nurse came in and checked for a pulse, listened for a heartbeat.  Nothing.  She was gone.  She snuck out while no one was paying attention.  There was no shift in energy, no beeping machines like in the movies.  Just like that, gone.

It was expected and so unexpected that when the nurse pronounced her dead everyone was like Oh, ok.  Not really sure what to do next.

I found it very interesting and very familiar that right after death we tend to immediately start dealing with the logistics instead of grieving.  Planning a funeral, discussing who gets what.  But I suppose it’s all part of the grieving process.  I remember after my dad died I didn’t cry for like three days and I couldn’t eat and all I could do was focus on planning the memorial and taking care of other people.  I saw the same thing in my father in-law and his brothers that night.  I felt so bad, and still do.  Nobody saw this coming, and I don’t think anyone expected to actually be a part of her death.Grandma Betty was a quiet lady who hated having her photo taken.  Hated.  I don’t think I have any photos of her smiling, and that’s not to say that she never smiled, because she surely did.  Just not in front of a camera.  I remember one of the first times I met her was at a holiday dinner, I think.  And we ended up playing Uno after dinner and she kicked everybody’s ass.  She was known for her stuffing at Thanksgiving, and her fruit salad (which was my favorite!) that she served out of the best bowl.  She was never afraid to say what she actually thought and I was (pleasantly) surprised at her sass.  I’m so glad she was able to meet not one, but two great-grandchildren.  Max may not remember her, but she was a part of his life.  I’ll always remember her pink nail polish and her love of cardinals.

We’ll miss you, Betty.

Easter with the Family

Easter.  When I think of Easter I think of getting together with family, dressing up, and having a nice dinner.  And also waking up to a basket of treats brought in the night by a bunny.  Max was visited by the Easter Bunny this year, three times.  He got THREE Easter baskets.  In them were cars, magnet toys, bubbles, and play-doh, little boy underwear (SO CUTE OMG), a pop up book and a stuffed Dumbo.  It was a lovely afternoon spent with our family.  We had a delicious dinner in the backyard and it was just the best.  You know those days where you throw together last minute gatherings and they turn out to be really great and perfect?  It was that.  Stress free and full of happy people and things like mimosas and in Max’s case blueberries to lick off of the table.And to make up for the not so great photos taken of us the day before at Max’s party, I had my mom snap a few of us real quick, and I’m glad I did.They’re not perfect, but they kind of are.  Max will never stand still and smile.  One of us will always have a ridiculous face, and that’s ok.  As long as the lighting is good and we’re being ourselves the photos will come out great, just like they did.  But good gravy I wish this kid would take one good photo for me.  Is that really too much to ask?

Hope your Easter was great!

Max’s 2nd Birthday Party

It was a perfect day.  There was not a cloud in the sky and it was 75 degrees.  I was hoping all week for weather like this.  Max started his birthday off with a cinnamon roll breakfast, playing with his birthday present from us, a basketball hoop, and then not napping.  Because that’s his favorite thing to not do these days.Of course getting everything ready and set up was down to the very last minute.  Thankfully my brother, Cameron, and his girlfriend, Courtney, came over early to help me out and OHMYGOD they were the best.  They win the prize.  For the party I wanted blue and green and alligators.  I found this great shop on Etsy, Design {on} Paper, where there are pre-made invites and all you have to do is provide a photo and the information and BAM! you have a super awesome invitation ready to print.  Along with the invite I ordered the party kit which came with a happy birthday banner and all kinds of little cutouts (which I didn’t get to use many of because of time and certain things not panning out like I had hoped.  Oh well!).  I printed up all 24 of his monthly photos and had Courtney and Cameron string them together.  I covered the tables with brown wrapping paper from the dollar store and left crayons on them.  Of course I wanted some nice photos of Max in his little bow tie I made before he got filthy and covered with food.  But sadly this was the best I got.  I asked a friend to take some quick pics of us as a family and they didn’t come out great.  We had splotchy shadows all over our faces and in each photo someones face looks ridiculous.  (I made up for that on Easter though.)  I released Max to do what he wanted and we had a party!We also had an Easter egg hunt!  Where I’m pretty sure Max consumed more sugar than he ever has in his entire life.And of course there was cake.  My mom ordered the cake and I was very pleased with the way it came out.  Also, it was delicious.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Max is a very, very loved little boy.

This time around I realized I needed to do a few things differently:

1) I can’t do it all.  I want to, so badly, but I need help.

2) Hire a photographer.  Seriously.  I was too wound up to run around and take photos and all I wanted was a few nice photos of Max and our little family, and all the details and all the guests.  Ok, I want photos of EVERYTHING.  And I can’t do it on my own.

3) RELAX.  And have fun.

I think Max had a fabulous time.  There were so many friends to play with, and bubbles to pop and it really was a great afternoon.

Check out Max’s first birthday party here.  And check out his 24 month recap here.