A couple of things to know about this trip: 1) Rob was traveling with myself, Katrina, Katie, & our friend Chelsea. 2) Our main reason for this trip was to see No Doubt. 3) We had a pretty sweet hook up with our accommodations. High roller suites. Free.
So, we all left on Thursday. Rob and I had a flight out at 4:30, and the girls flew separately, but their flight out of Portland was delayed. Rob and I arrived in Las Vegas on time at 8 pm.
Chelsea called me shortly after we landed to tell us that they weren’t leaving Oakland until 11 pm. Which meant they wouldn’t get to Las Vegas til after midnight. Luckily, Rob’s dad and his uncle were there as well, for his uncle’s pool tournament. We dropped our bags off in their room and went to the pool tournament. The girls didn’t get into Vegas til around 1. Rob and I had gone back to his dad’s room to sleep since we couldn’t get into our room cause Chelsea was in contact with our hook up. Once we got a hold of them we jumped in a cab and headed to Caesar’s Palace, where we met the girls in our fancy pants room.
The girls were, understandably, irritable. And Rob and I were more than exhausted. They decided to head out and check out the strip while Rob and I went to bed. Our view was incredible.
This is our fancy jacuzzi bath tub. There was also a large shower next to it, and a completely separate room for the toilet.
And this picture of Chelsea, I just love. The lighting is great, and Chelsea is adorable.
After waking up at around 12, we went out to lunch at Serendipity 3 at Caesar’s. It was a really cute place, nicely decorated. Our waitress forgot about us. I’m certain of it. We were there for I swear, 2 hours. At least it felt like that long. People came and went before we even got our food. Katie and I both enjoyed a foot long hot dog. I couldn’t eat it all, of course. It was there that we discovered that Las Vegas tap water tastes like ass.
After lunch we started walking around the strip, taking in the sights, and we happen upon the one and only Elvis impersonator we saw there. Of course I had to have my picture taken with him. In front of McDondalds. How American.
After wandering for a while we had to check out of Caesar’s and move on over to the Bellagio. Our hook up lady met us at Caesar’s and had us check our bags at the front desk so she could take us into the 7 Diamond high roller club, or whatever it’s called. It was the exclusive lounge for the high rollers of Caesar’s complete with a kick ass buffet and free cocktails. You would think that high rollers would be all fancy looking and whatnot, but for the most part they looked pretty schlubby. Rob had a particular term for them but I forget what it is. I felt out of place there, even though I’m pretty sure we were fancier than a lot of those jerks. Now I know I just have to spend millions to be a part of their club.
After our stint in the fancy high rollers club, we grabbed our bags from the front desk and headed across the street (which the Bellagio is literally across the street, but everything is so damn big, it takes a fricken hour to get anywhere in Vegas). But, on our way out of Caesar’s we had our first celebrity sighting, caught by Katie, Phyllis Diller. I had to be refreshed as to who she was.
This is the view out of our suite at The Bellagio. Pretty sweet.
After settling into our new room, we went back out. Since all drinks cost at least $8, we went to Walgreens and got Icee’s and then went to the liquor store. You can figure out the rest. It was my genius idea. We then went to the Mirage to watch the volcano erupt. Yes, there’s a volcano is Las Vegas. After the volcano eruption we went to Treasure Island for what we thought was a pirate battle. Turns out it’s a Pussycat Dolls show.
We were not prepared to see the whorish spectacle of the ‘Siren’s of Treasure Island’. Oh. My. God. Since when has this been a peepshow? There were songs and dancing, and it looked like a Puff Daddy video. What happens is, the Sirens of Treasure Island capture a man pirate and they tease him with their womanly charm. The pirate ship rolls up and the captain simply yells “yo”. And so begins some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever heard. They argue for while and then the Sirens sing again and again. And each time the songs get worse and worse. The lyrics were something along the lines of “sugar and spice and shimmy and shake”, I made a conscious decision to not remember the whole song. Anyhow, the pirate ship ends up sinking after they send cannons flying toward the Sirens. But those cannons are no contest for the Sirens of Treasure Island, no. They have the power of song and dance and can sink ships with that power. And they did. We left early. It was just too much.
After our oh so lovely experience with the Sirens of Treasure Island, we hopped on the bus and went to what we referred to as Old Vegas. It’s the strip in downtown Las Vegas that made Vegas what it is today. The first casinos are here on the original strip. The street is closed off and the entire strip is covered with a roof where they have light shows. We ate dinner at the Golden Gate, where the founders brought the shrimp cocktail to Las Vegas. If you haven’t listened to Rob’s podcast yet, do it now. There is mention of shrimp cocktail in it. After a 10 o’clock dinner we hit the old strip. One of my goals of this trip was to get one of the ridiculously bottled alcoholic beverages they sell. Katie and I got football daquiris. Yeah. That’s right a daquiri in a football. Rob saw our awesome drinks and followed suit and purchased himself a football beer. Katrina and Chelsea had their bottles of liquor from earlier, Malibu Rum for Katrina and Jim Beam for Chelsea. We decided that football shaped drinks called for a photo. And so did some random guy who wanted to be in it.
While carting around our silly drinks we shop for souveniers. In between shops, Katie and I come across this tye dyed idiot. This has to be one of the drunkest people I have ever seen in my life. We could hardly understand what the hell he was saying, and we eventually deciphered that he needed money to buy more alcohol. Once Katie gave him some change, cause she’ too nice, he asked her if he could buy a cigarette off of her. C’mon guy!
We walked around some more until we got our fill of our football drinks. We couldn’t take them on the bus. On our way to the bus we saw a cowboy. He had what we thought was his hand down his pants. I think it was Katrina who said “Does that cowboy have his hand down his pants? Does that cowboy have a hook for a hand?” Prolly not funny to you sober people who weren’t there, but we thought that was pretty damn hilarious. When we got on the bus we were all pretty toasty. Katrina was in rare form. And it was great.
While on the bus made a routine stop and after sitting for a while we hear a chick yell from the lower level of the bus “I did not pee on that seat! There is no pee on my pants!”. We believe she was asked to leave the bus, or she was so mad she got off on her own. After that any new riders that joined us up top were greeted by the middle aged tourist asking “do you have to pee before you sit down?” or “No pee up here!”. Cause they’re cool. After that incident a bearded man sits next to Rob. He and Rob share conversation while Katrina is running her mouth about peeing on people, sexually and non sexually, and what her stance is on the topic. It was one of the longest and most fun bus rides ever.
When we got back to the hotel room, Chelsea had gone to meet up with some friends that were also in town. Rob, Katie, Katrina and myself recorded a podcast. I can’t even explain what happens here, because nothing really happens. Except, Katrina makes an ass of herself. It’s heeee-larious!
Once we were done with that, Katie and Katrina met with Chelsea and Rob and I went to bed. It was about 3 am. Normally I would almost be getting up for work.
The girls got back to the room around 7am. I don’t know how they did it.
Saturday morning, I mean afternoon. We got up and had breakfast at Denney’s. We packed our bags for the day, because we wouldn’t be coming back to the room til bed time. It was No Doubt day.
When we got on the bus to head down to New York New York, Katie had the pleasure of sitting next to monkey toes woman. I swear this woman had the longest toes I have ever seen. Ever. The best part was, she was asleep so I could take a picture. When we got off the bus we went to New York New York so Rob and Katie could ride the roller coaster. Katrina, Chelsea and myself did this while we waited.
We went from New York New York to MGM Grand to check out their lion habitat. Lions are pretty awesome. This might be the only group shot of all of us on this whole damn trip. This was on our way to Mandaly Bay. We took the monorail from Excalibur to Mandaly Bay, and walked what felt like 2 miles inside the place to get to the aquarium. It was a small, but nice aquarium. Complete with two of my favorite things, sharks and jellyfish.
After the aquarium, we found the most affordable restaurant The House of Blues. It was delicious, but I swear, we must’ve had some sort invisible sign only to be seen by waitresses and waiters saying “please, take your time. we are in no hurry.” It took FOREVER to get our food, once again. It had been a long day, and Rob was falling asleep while we were waiting for our table.
After dinner it was time for No Doubt. Now, some of you might have just let out some big sigh, because you think No Doubt is just some crap band. Well, you know what? They are one of my favorite bands. Ever. They were the first band I really got into (after New Kids On The Block). They were my second concert (after New Kids On The Block). Most girls my age declared “Just a Girl” their anthem in 90’s. I grew up with this band and I have listened the shit out of every single album. I read a great article in Spin magazine in the airport on our way here. It just talked about why they’re doing this tour and what the future for them as a band is.
Anyhoo, Katie, Chelsea and myself get to the show, and Katie and I immediately head to the souvenier stand, where I walked away with a super great tote bag and t-shirt. When we went in The Sounds were playing. Chelsea had gone in when we first got there to see them. They were pretty good. So good, that I might buy their album. The second opening act was Paramore. Now, I do know one Paramore song, but that’s only because of Rock Band. I can see why this band was chosen to be on this tour, but I’m not a fan. The singer, I don’t know her name, had a nice voice, and at times I really like the way it sounded. But the music and the lyrics were just very high school. In between Paramore’s set and No Doubt’s set, the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers came out on stage to introduce Tiger Woods. I should mention that this show, the first stop on No Doubt’s tour, was for Tiger Woods’ foundation. When the quarterback was introduced (I forget his name) the crowd started booing. Who does that anymore? He came out and attempted to say whatever he was going to say, but the crowd wouldn’t shut the fuck up, so he said “forget it, here’s Tiger Woods”. Tiger Woods came out and said about five words, and left. So embarrassing.
Soon after, the house lights went down and the crowd erupted. The stage was covered by a white screen that showed the shadows of each of the band members. Then the curtain came down, and they opened with Spiderwebs. The entire arena was standing and dancing and singing along. The stage was all white, with a white fixture of four legs for the drummer to be on. I love watching this band play because they have such great chemistry. They’re always smiling and dancing around, and making the crowd excited.
The show was amazing. We had such a blast. It was like a “best of” showcase. They sang all their hit songs and the two covers they’ve recorded, Adam Ant’s “Stand and Deliver”, and Talk Talk’s “It’s My Life”. And they closed with one of my all time favorites, “Sunday Morning”. There was a point in the show, where Gwen even ran through the crowd, up into the stands, and sang “Just a Girl”, while people grabbed at her. I have to say I was a bit jealous that she wasn’t standing on my seat singing.
All in all it was a fantastic show. We had a great time and I walked away thinking about how glad I was that we flew to Las Vegas to see this.
After the show we met with Rob and Katrina and thought we’d get in one last gambling and drinking binge. We went to O’Shea’s so Rob could play a table game (the tables there are affordable). I got in line for a drink and waited for what felt like 20 minutes. I know it wasn’t that long. Eventually I just gave up and played $5 in a machine called Kitty Glitter. The name alone was the only reason I played it. It was a nickel machine with a pretty white kitty covered in jewels on it. If cameras were allowed in casinos I would’ve taken a picture of it for all my kitty lovin friends. It was a really shitty paying machine, meaning I think I only hit twice on it. So essentially I just paid $5 to sit in front of a pretty kitty machine.
After a while there we had back to the room and packed a little and went to sleep. We took a shuttle bus to the airport. And that was the end of our trip.
I did want to take a moment to share the prostitute collecting cards that are available in front of any major casino, from the hands of underpaid Mexicans wearing dayglow organge and green and pink t-shirts.
But why does she cost $47 on special? What does she have that Pamela doesn’t?
That’s all folks.