The post-baby body

Today is one of those days where nothing looks good, yesterday was one too.  Suddenly none of my clothes fit, my hair looks like ass, and I look old.  But it’s just for today, and maybe it’ll happen again in a few weeks.  Every once in a while I have one of these days.  Doesn’t everyone? (If you say you don’t, I don’t believe you.)

I had days like these before I got pregnant, but they seem more frequent now.  And that’s because my body has changed.  A lot.  Honestly, I love my post-baby body.  Breast feeding has done wonders for me as far as losing the baby weight, but breast feeding has also posed a lot of problems as far as wardrobe goes.

For someone as busty as myself it can be difficult to dress appropriately each day.  And I’m not talking about trying to not dress like a streetwalker (That was a teenager thing and I’m over it), I’m talking about dressing in clothes that make the snack bar easily accessible without having to lift my whole shirt and display the stretched out empty sack of skin that once housed my son.  The shirts made especially for nursing mothers are just plain hideous and expensive.  V-necks make it easy to feed the kid, but leaning over provides those around me with a sneak peek at the girls and the oh so titillating nursing bra.

The nursing bra.  These things are the devil.  They provide no support and have these giant straps and buckles that could double as a seat belt.  Did I mention that they’re ugly?  Why can’t they be pretty like regular bras?  Whenever I go out without the kid I make a point to put on one of my non-nursing bras, and oh how happy it makes me!  My rack looks stacked and I feel great.  I can’t wait for the day I can burn my nursing bras (except I won’t actually burn them cause they were pretty spendy).

You know what else about the post-baby body?  My hips and my butt.  My hips are bigger, wider, whatever.  And my butt?  It’s smaller.  I remember shortly after I had Max I put on a pair of jeans that I wore pretty regularly pre-pregnancy, and they were too big.  I was all, What the hell?  I thought because I’m a mom now I was supposed to wear my maternity pants for 6 months, and then live in sweats and high-rise jeans.  This was great!  I had to buy new pants!  Because the ones I had were too big!  I now wear pants a size smaller than before, it’s insane.  Only problem is I now have this really (not so) adorable muffin top.  Now I know why women wear high waisted pants that are not the least bit flattering.  I mean, this thing jiggles when I walk.

I know the only way to take care of this extra flab is to exercise.  Well I’ll just be honest, I don’t exercise.  The only kind of exercise I get is playing dodgeball, where I do run, just a little.  I have no desire to join a gym (or the financial means to do so).  I could get back on to the Wii Fit.  I should do that.  I’m not looking for a flat tummy at all, I would just like it to not move as if it is it’s own being.  Look, I just want to be able to sit around and watch Roseanne all day while eating popcorn and gummy candy and have my body snap back on it’s own.  Okay?  Okay.  Also, I want someone to design me my own line of clothing tailored to my size and taste.  My birthday is coming up.  Someone make it happen.


2 thoughts on “The post-baby body

  1. Seriously. I feel you.
    Except the smaller butt part, that definitely did not happen over here.

    I’m kinda tempted to see if I can’t jerry-rig my old bras into nursing bras by adding snaps. I did it to a a dress I wore in a friends wedding, so the same principals should apply to bras, right?

    • I would totally be up for altering my regular bras, except I would hate possibly ruin a perfectly good thing. And I got them at a specialty store and they were not cheap. Seriously though, why has no one fixed this problem?

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