Losing it

Well, now is the time I want to scream and run far far away.  Everything is happening at once and I’m trying reallyreallyreally hard to handle it without flipping out but I’m just about at the end of my rope.

The boy won’t nap, Rob surprised me with having to work today, the in-laws moved out this morning but are still going to be sleeping here through the weekend because their new bed won’t be ready until after the weekend.  And I have to throw a party inside (of course it would pour all fucking weekend) where there are still boxes and piles of crap strewn about the house.

I had a vision of how perfect this weekend would be, and it’s all getting rained on.  Literally.

I keep thinking about how a year ago this very moment I was in the midst of labor and it makes me so sad.  And I don’t want to be sad, and I don’t want to feel this way.  I should be happy and grateful that I have what I have, and I am but things aren’t always perfect.  In fact things are rarely perfect, and lately things have been kind of shitty.  I know it’ll get better, but I just hate that I feel this way for Max’s first birthday.  Not that he’ll remember or anything.  I need to do something to get out of this funk.  I don’t know what, but it needs to happen now.

This is the shitshow.

***We took these pictures at the park the other day.  Why can’t every day be like this?

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4 thoughts on “Losing it

  1. Sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. Pretty much anytime I throw a party I feel like that… Which would relate to why I rarely throw parties. Anyway, just make sure you get the booze a flowing and before you know it you won’t be able to care less about the party being inside. Throwing boxes into a spare room (and then shutting-locking?- the door also helps).
    Those park pictures are fantastic. I especially love the one of you holding Max. Cherry/apple/whatever blossoms are my favorite. Lovely.

    • 🙂 I know it’ll be fine. It’s more about his actual birth day itself than having a party inside. Cause girl, I know I can make this party fabulous;) Now I just need to figure out how to come to terms with things I have no control over and all will be well!

  2. I spent 6 months planning my little guys first birthday and was so careful with each and every single detail. I knew he wouldn’t remember but it’s a 1st birthday, you have to do it! And it was for me too. So many things went wrong, I hadn’t planned how hot it would actually be in south Florida at the end of April for an outside party!!! Not one of my friends with kids showed up!! (even though they RSVP’d) I had an hour to decorate the entire house and prep food because I had no help!!! My BF’s entire trashy family showed up with coolers full of beer and sat in my carport (antisocialy of course) and downed beer the entire time! I hated it, wanted to cry, and worse – other people told me it was
    awkward.

    This year – no party! I’m taking him to the zoo or Disney. But I promise – you will have a great party!!! And he will love it!!!

    I KNOW how much it means to have it perfect.

    • Ugh, that blows. I just don’t think other people get how important it is. Because in the end this party is more for me than him, kind of a Congratulations! You did it! type of thing. Us moms deserve a little recognition too:)

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