Well, now is the time I want to scream and run far far away. Everything is happening at once and I’m trying reallyreallyreally hard to handle it without flipping out but I’m just about at the end of my rope.
The boy won’t nap, Rob surprised me with having to work today, the in-laws moved out this morning but are still going to be sleeping here through the weekend because their new bed won’t be ready until after the weekend. And I have to throw a party inside (of course it would pour all fucking weekend) where there are still boxes and piles of crap strewn about the house.
I had a vision of how perfect this weekend would be, and it’s all getting rained on. Literally.
I keep thinking about how a year ago this very moment I was in the midst of labor and it makes me so sad. And I don’t want to be sad, and I don’t want to feel this way. I should be happy and grateful that I have what I have, and I am but things aren’t always perfect. In fact things are rarely perfect, and lately things have been kind of shitty. I know it’ll get better, but I just hate that I feel this way for Max’s first birthday. Not that he’ll remember or anything. I need to do something to get out of this funk. I don’t know what, but it needs to happen now.
This is the shitshow.