One year ago today I gave birth to a Blue-eyed Monster Boy.
After the awful that was yesterday, today I feel a little better. In fact last night I felt a little better. I don’t know if it was the good cry I had in the shower, the wine or Rob and I assembling birthday presents together. Whatever it was, it worked.
I think I was so upset, not because it’s going to rain or because of my messy house, but because I was reminded of how nothing went the way I wanted it to this time last year for his birth. I’m trying to allow myself to feel these feelings while enjoying my boy’s first birthday. It’s a fine line to walk, being on the edge of an emotional breakdown and enjoying the day and actually having a good time and not just putting on a happy face for everyone.
I truly cannot believe that you’re already one year old. This last year has not been easy for either of us, but I think we’re finally hitting our stride. I could sit here and tell you how much fun it is watching you grow up, and watching you learn is one of the most amazing things, but you know all of this because I tell you every single day. Basically I think you’re quite possibly the greatest thing ever, and I never thought I could love something so much. I know, every parent says that, but it’s true. Sometimes I look at your fat face with your blonde curls bouncing on your head and I think my heart might explode. You’re my favorite thing in the world.