I turned in my application to the Birthingway College of Midwifery today. But for some reason I feel pretty blah about it. There was no rush of excitement or happiness that came over me, just a slight feeling of panic. Like Oh shit, I’m actually doing this.
I’m going to chalk it up to the fact that since I fully weaned off the Zoloft on Friday, I haven’t been feeling great. In fact, I’ve been feeling so crappy that I saw a doctor on Tuesday and I am now on Wellbutrin.
It was the right time to get off the Zoloft to rid myself of certain side effects, but I’m not ready to be on my own, so to speak. There are too many big real life stressors swirling around right now and I need to be on my A game for me and for my family.
Since Tuesday I’ve been feeling pretty up and down, having highs and lows. The fact that I also got a prescription for prednisone doesn’t help that (Prednisone can make you feel a little crazy. Because I need more crazy in my life right now, clearly). I got prednisone because my eczema is raging all over my face and my face is essentially falling off. I look like an alligator with scales and blisters and it is downright awful. The eczema is also attacking my right hand which I can’t fully stretch open or close because my skin is so dry and cracked, it’s just too painful. The eczema tends to breakout along with emotional breakdowns, so hooray for that! Because every girl who is already feeling shitty about life needs to look like a scale-y blistered reptile right? Since seeing the doctor my face is clearing up quite nicely (THANK THE GODS), but my hand. It’s a mess.
Now if I could only get a pill to fix all the other things….I’m going to give myself a couple of weeks to start feeling “normal” again (But seriously, I don’t even know what my normal is anymore.) because that’s when the new meds should kick in. Until then, bear with me on this seemingly never ending pity party.